In every marriage - happy or otherwise, a little rain must fall. It can be rather unnerving unless you have a map that will help you predict inclement weather.

    Amazingly, it so happens that there are five predictable issues that every marriage confronts, often from its genesis. Interestingly, one or two of these problems become themes in one's marriage.

    Once you understand the concept that there absolutely no such thing as perfection in life, nor in marriage, you begin to feel more confident that you can manage your relationship as the storms emerge from time to time.

    Here are the Big Five:

IN-LAWS

SEX

MONEY

CLOSENESS/DISTANCE

TIME TOGETHER/TIME APART

IN-LAWS:

Whether you like it or not the chances are excellent that your partner was born into a family, or had been connected to another family prior to having you in their life - as is in the case of divorce, and that some of these family members are alive.

     These in-laws are like baggage or gifts depending on your point of view, and cannot be removed. If your husband has a mother, a sister, an ex-wife or a daughter, you can be sure that there will be times when their presence in your life will create a problem for you, and a conflict between the two of you.

     What to do? Deal with it, accept it, learn to love them, don't get in the middle between them and your partner, nor get in the middle between your partner and them. For a comprehensive explanation of getting in the middle, or MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE, or Triangles, take a look at the article on my website at: www.RitaCanHelp.com

SEX:

Whatever your physical intimacy was like before you were married, it's a certainty that it will change. Will it get better? Or worse?

     Several factors contribute to the weather in your sexual relationship - the most potent is the quality of your emotional connection and the sense of feeling safe and trusting of each other in your marriage.

     When sex is good than it's never an issue, and rarely comes up in discussion. But all too often, when sex is lacking in quality or frequency it becomes an issue that often dwarfs all others.

     What to do? Recognize that it is understandable that sex will change as you become each other's family, and that if you want a better sex life, than deal with your relationship.

     Don't be surprised if one or both of you are unwilling to accept the connection between mind and body. If your mind is in turmoil about your relationship, your body will not be open to the vulnerability that sex requires of us.

More to come...

 All the best,

Dr. Rita