Why is it that so many friends are undergoing life-altering illness and a close relationship with death and dying?

     As one very wise 70 year old physician said to me, regarding his much loved wife who was dying of a rare form of cancer, "I know it's not forever. This is normal. Life ends. It's just so much harder than I expected it to be."

     I ask myself. So, is it normal to die? Yes, I answer.

Is it normal to become ill and suffer? Yes, I answer. Is it normal for things to end? Yes, I answer. Is it normal to have pain? Yes, I answer. Is it normal to be stressed about it, anxious and unhappy? NO. NO. NO.

     Although, perhaps I am wrong. "Normal" means most frequently found among the population, not right or wrong, or good or bad. And most likely, most people are stressed and anxious and afraid when confronted with grave illness and dying.

     I think there is another way. I strive to be more like my physician friend, to learn to be mindfull of whatever comes my way. That means to me that I fully let myself be aware of what it is that is happening to me or to someone that I love. That I let myself feel whatever goes along with that, be it pain, sadness, fear, anger... and just be curious about what those emotions are about. That also means to me that I can also be grateful, curious, joyous as I notice other things that are simultaneously happening - a sunny yellow day, the gorgeous show that white roses, purple geraneums, pink phlox, and brand new spring green shoots of tall grass provide for us at this time of year. Hearing birds loudly chirp, bees drinking their flower nectar as they buzz around a garden, planting tomatoes with the hope of eating red ones next month, watering and fertilizing with organic matter and good intentions. 

     Being in the present moment with whatever life brings our way, without judging, negating, complaining can be a wonderfully freeing experience.

     Another dear friend is very ill with a form of cancer that requires ongoing chemotherapy for the rest of her life, which debilitates her three weeks out of four. she sleeps when she needs to, when her energy doesn't let her get out of her house. But when she can, she pushes herself to paint her wonderful abstracts that still win first place in local art shows, and enjoys the parties to which is always invited to as the charming artist and asset to any gathering along with her loving, supportive, constant husband. She lives a mindfully meditative life too. 

     To cope with these terrible, normal life events take courage and perspicacity, yes of course. But it also takes practice where you can get it. And where you can get it is to meditate mindfully every day. To take time out of your boring, or difficult, or busy life, and just spend 20-30 minutes BEING STILL. The nourishment and skill that is garnered through this practice becomes the fodder for well-being and peace that aids in limiting the anxiety and stress that life's unwanted gifts ultimately present to each of us.

All the best,

Dr. Rita   

     During my recent recovery from spinal surgery, it has been my great pleasure and good fortune to have received beautiful healing energy from the many "angels" in my life: my friends, loved ones, family members, colleagues and patients.

     Life offers us plenty of pain to deal with - both physical and emotional. At the same time, we can also be open and grateful to the pleasure which balances out life.

     Bellruth Naperstack has a really good healing CD called SURGERY. This was the second time that I utilized it to assist me in recovery from this difficult process - a traumatic assault on the body, and as a result I have to admit that I'm a wonderful healer. 

     At one point in the imagery, Naperstack invites the listener to look for the loving people - both from the present and the past, who circle and support during and after the procedure. It suddenly came to me as I was listening that these were my "angels" and as I looked around me in the imagery and "saw" the doctors and nurses taking care of me, my angels materialized as well, and I was blown away with love and tears as I realized how lucky I am to have so many people to love. There were my amazing husband, fabulous children and grandchildren, many special caring friends, cousins, nieces, nephews, supportive colleagues and patients, from near and far, and even here and there an angel that I've lost to death - my parents, my loving sister Nina, aunts, uncles, my dear friend Shelly. Love heals from every direction.

     Throughout the last few weeks, my angels have been calling, visiting, sending cards, flowers and books. I feel overflowing with gratitude and love for life. My husband, my best friend, shops, cooks, moves furniture, shlepps packages, bends to pick up stuff, and offers a full heart and an open ear whenever I need it. I'm so very lucky.

     I don't know what I have done to deserve all of this bounty. I know that friends don't grow on trees, and hope that I am half as good of a friend when opportunities arise for me to give of myself as others have to me. I care about people. I believe that love is the best sugar. I look to sprinkle it around generously and often. The bitter taste of pain is clearly ameliorated by the sweetness of friendship and caring.

     Did you know that friendships and social connections increase your life expectancy? If you connect with people at least five times a week, your body and your psyche will thank you. As humans we thrive in social environments, in community, and although we live in little boxes alone or with one or two other people, the extended family concept can be expanded, and isolation needs to be upended, in order to be healthier and happier.

All the best,

Dr. Rita