Life is difficult in between the happy times. Sometimes we feel angry and it scares us when the feeling is overwhelming or too powerful. This emotion lies within each of us, and yet is badly misunderstood. The cause of anger is fear, frustration, jealousy, impatience, judgment, intolerance, to name just a few, and is antithetical to love and compassion. Rage is a way of controlling others when you cannot control yourself. Though it is not healthy to to let anger fester, as it can be the root of suffering, sometimes it shows up on our radar screen, and we have to find ways to manage it, make wise choices, we can melt it away. Anger can be a healthy feeling that gives us information, just like any other emotion that finds itself into our mind/body, we let awareness be aware.

     The Rules of Anger are useful to keep in mind:
1. don't hurt others
2. don't hurt yourself
3. don't hurt property
4. DO talk about it or write about it. 
     Begin by allowing yourself to become aware of the anger as you are sitting in a safe place. Notice how you feel inside? Head? Tummy? Hands? 
     Anger, like fear, is a survival mechanism which helps the body to ready into the fight or flight response when a threat is perceived. The body releases hormones into the blood stream as preparation. The brain gets  messages that make our body aware of our emotional state, that trigger certain thoughts, that effect how we feel, and helps us to decide how to react.
     When anger happens:
1. The good old-fashioned trick of counting to ten still works best.
2. Think of a phrase that helps to calm you and lets you think through what the anger data is offering, and what are some choices of behavior open to you.
3. A mantra I like is to label the anger "feeling" and to label the thoughts "thinking" and to anchor yourself in the sound around you and/or the breath. This often has the effect of melting the anger without actually TRYING to get rid of it, which doesn't work anyway.

    Dirty anger is: kicking doors, punching others, pushing people, screaming
    Clean anger is: pushing wall, door frame, pillow, jogging, writing, crying, tearing old newspaper, walking, talking about it, telling what you'd really like, asking for support.
    TOOL: Imagine a thermometer that begins in your groin at 0 and ends in your mouth at 10 when you are completely out of control and yelling, cursing, crying, vomiting rage on others. Take a deep breath and locate the number of your anger in your body. Ideally, notice when the anger first starts to visit you at 1 or 2, but that takes practice. When anger reaches 8, 9 or 10, you are completely out of control. In the beginning, locate the anger at 4,5 or 6. Notice where you experience the heat of your anger, what your thoughts are, and using the anger as data ask yourself:

What I need to help myself...    
I feel ....
when...
because...
I would like...

     Healing, cooling words that your friends and family can offer you are:
sounds like or you seem angry...
tell me more...
let's talk about it...
let me help you solve the problem.

     Life offers us countless opportunities to be human. Awareness is the key, it opens the door to a myriad of choices in behavior.

All the best,
Dr. Rita